The other day I was scanning the radio "dial" which is no longer a dial, but that still seems to be the best way to describe the act of checking out what is playing on all the stations. I stopped on an oldies/classic rock station and heard a song that I've always thought was super-catchy, yet super cheesy. Rupert Holmes' The Pina Colada Song. I knew the chorus but hadn't listened to the verses much, until now. The opening lines:
I was tired of my lady, we'd been together too long
Like a worn out recording of a favorite song
So while she lay there sleepin' I read the paper in bed
And in the personal columns, there was this letter I read
Cue the chorus and the famous personal ad that speaks of what this woman likes (pina coladas), what she doesn't like (yoga) and what she dreams of (making love at midnight and getting caught in the rain - clearly she has easy-to-manage hair).
I fell for it, hook line and sinker. I was getting angry hearing Mr. Holmes sing about how his relationship with "his lady" had gotten to be routine and dull. He replied to the ad and asked to meet up. What a jerk! And don't you know, Rupert, that these things you are finding interesting are frivolous? Don't throw away your relationship because some chick likes high-calorie, sweet alcoholic drinks. Where is your sense of commitment?!
Then comes the "punch-line" if you will. Rupert and the woman from the personal ad meet up. And... shocker! He says, It was my own lovely lady and she said 'Aw! It's you!' Then we laughed for a moment and I said, 'I never knew. I'm going to set aside for a moment that the woman was attempting to cheat just like Rupert was and that neither seemed bothered. What grabbed my attention and made me pause was this:
Why didn't they know any of these things about each other? Did they stop talking? Did they stop sharing their hopes, fantasies and dreams?
I've learned a lot about marriage in the past year-and-a-half. I noticed that when a relationship is new we want to ask every probing question to get to know the person's likes and dislikes. Once we get married, those questions often stop. Is that because we feel like we know everything about our spouse? Is it because we are afraid of the answer? To not ask questions is to imply that your husband will never experience something new and decide he has a preference or distaste for something (or that you don't care if he does). Sure you might not know the questions to ask - I had no idea you tried and enjoyed that fruity drink! - but why not after 20 years of marriage ask , What is something you think I don't know about you? or Have you tried anything new lately? Or even better, why not try new experiences together?
And one thing I didn't know until I looked up the song on You Tube, it's actual name is Escape - The Pina Colada Song. He was looking for an escape, but what he was running away from was due to his own ignorance and lack of effort in his relationship (and hers too). He thinks the grass is greener, but the truth is, it's just another yard. And jokes on you, Rupert, in this case, it turns out it's the same yard!
Need an ice breaker to raise the topic with your husband? I give you... Escape - The Pina Colada Song. Your welcome. You'll be singing it for at least 24 hours.